First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage... Beautiful Empty Houses

Introduction
Dalene and I enjoy going through model homes, especially the expensive, elaborate ones. Each year during the tour of homes here in Salem we get out to at least a few of the homes. We find it very interesting to see the new ways that the builders find to make the homes more impressive each year.

A model family
We live in a fairly new subdivision where, for a long time, there were always model homes open to walk through. Our neighbor who lives right next to one of the model homes told us an interesting story. They had family visiting from out of town one weekend, so they prepared a Saturday morning brunch and went on a walk while the final food items finished cooking. The son-in-law stayed behind so they left the door unlocked. When they returned from their walk, there was a couple in the house that they didn’t recognize. The couple was looking around the house and even snacking from the food on the countertop. One of them remarked, “This is probably the best open house we’ve ever been to.” Our neighbor had to tell them, “This isn’t an open house. We live here and that is our breakfast.” They left immediately, a little embarrassed.

Homes are sold with a lot of amenities, but they don’t come with a family, or with breakfast, as part of the deal. Families are ‘sold seperately.’

What is more important: A lavish, sprawling estate or the family that occupies it? Homes are built for families, not families for homes. It’s the family that is of greater significance. I look around at those elaborate homes and I think, “Wow! If only this kind of design and detail and craftsmanship and expense were put into building the family.”

Empty houses
God gave a warning to the people of Israel through the prophet Isaiah which rings true for us today. The people of Israel were also focusing on houses and land and prosperity but neglecting relationship with Him. Their eyes were on the immediate, not the eternal.

Isaiah 5:8-9 (NKJV) 8 Woe to those who join house to house; They add field to field, Till there is no place where they may dwell alone in the midst of the land! 9 In my hearing the Lord of hosts said, “Truly, many houses shall be desolate, Great and beautiful ones, without inhabitant.”

What good is it to spend all of your time building houses or even building an empire if, in the end, it is empty and desolate? I think that is exactly the state of affairs for many people today. House? Check! Cars? Check! Stuff? Check! Career? Check! Keeping up with the Jones’? Check! Family? Oh well… something has to give. What gives is the one thing that really matters the most.

The dirty little secret of success
I think back to a time when our family was moving into a brand-new house. It was the first new house we had ever lived in. I had made a couple of job moves and received some quick promotions. My salary was far above what I had expected it to be at that time in my life. We had two cars, one was a year old and the other was brand-new. I was put on a nation-wide list of candidates for upper management and executive level positions. My career was soaring. My house was a dream. My family was a nightmare.

At that time of my life I was having the greatest success I had ever known and my family was in the greatest danger. I don’t think it was a coincidence. Only after I made some very deliberate and difficult decisions did that turn around. I made some decisions for family, and I’m so glad I did. Who cares how big your house is if there is nothing left for your family? It’s what’s inside the house that really counts.

HOW TO FILL AN EMPTY HOUSE
You can have a big family and an empty home. Let’s talk about how to fill an empty house – how to fill it in ways that really matter for your family and for all eternity.

When I talk about ‘families’ today I am talking about your household. If you are single, then the things I am saying today apply to you. You are a family. You don’t need a spouse or kids to be a family. They add to a family, but they don’t make you a family. If you are a husband and wife without kids, then you are a family. If you have a dozen kids then you don’t need me to tell you, you are a family.

1. God-centered family values.

Let’s look to Mary, Joseph and Jesus’ family as an example.

Luke 2:41-42 (NKJV) 41 His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. 42 And when He was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem according to the custom of the feast.

This wasn’t a one-time even or somewhat frequent occurrence. They went to the Passover celebration each time it was held. It wasn’t up for discussion. It wasn’t put to a family vote. It wasn’t a matter of whether they felt like it or not. It didn’t depend upon their other activities that were going on. Even if the Nazareth Spitting Camels made it to the Superbowl and they would miss the big game. “Every year…” It was a family value.

Mom and Dad, you take the lead. Now, look what happens:

Luke 4:16 (NKJV) 16 So He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up. And as His custom was, He went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and stood up to read.

Notice: “…as His custom was…” Circle the word ‘custom’ in both verses on your outline. Jesus continued the custom that began with His family.

The word here in the Greek is ‘ethos.’ It is the character and nature of the family. You can’t say your family has no customs or values or that you don’t pass those on. That which you customarily do are your customs, and they reveal your values.

RULES IN THE HOME HELP TEENS
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has released an extensive study on teens and substance abuse. Their main finding was that "teens whose parents have established rules in the house have better relationships with their parents and a substantially lower risk of smoking, drinking, and using illegal drugs than the typical teen."

Out of the 526 girls and 474 boys between ages 12 and 17 evaluated, the study found that only 25% live with parents who establish and enforce rules in the home. These 25% are at less risk for drug abuse than teens whose parents impose few or no rules.

The study discovered that the successful parents habitually did at least 10 of the following 12 actions:

- Monitor what their teens watch on TV.
- Monitor what their teens do on the Internet.
- Put restrictions on the CDs they buy.
- Know where their teens are after school and on weekends.
- Are told the truth by their teens about where they really are going.
- Are "very aware" of their teens academic performance.
- Impose a curfew.
- Make clear they would be "extremely upset" if their teen used pot.
- Eat dinner with their teens six or seven nights a week.
- Turn off the TV during dinner.
- Assign their teen regular chores.
- Have an adult present when the teens return home from school.

Of the teens living in lax homes, only 24% had an exceptionally good relationship with their mothers and 13% with their fathers. Of the teens living in relatively strict homes, 57% had an exceptionally good relationship with their mothers, 47% with their fathers.

The Center's president Joseph A. Califano Jr., former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare, comments: "Mothers and fathers who are parents rather than pals can greatly reduce the risk of their children smoking, drinking and using drugs."
(Pete Hartogs, "Study: Rules Improve Parent-Child Relationship," CNN Online (02-21-01); submitted by Jerry De Luca, Montreal, Quebec, Canada)

- Furniture

The family values, or customs, are like the furniture in a house because they fill every part of your home. Without solid family values, you have nothing to rest on. What are the customs, the values, in your family? Are they God-centered?

2. Gracious words.

What kind of speech should fill a home? Is it the kind that fills most homes? Is it the kind that fills your home?

1 Timothy 5:13 (NKJV) 13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.

Scripture says that there are somethings which we ought not say. James also adds to that and says that blessing and cursing should not come from the same mouth.

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

What is good for necessary edification means that which will build others up, not tear them down… that it may impart grace to the hearers. What if, in our homes, the things that were said consistently built each other up and imparted grace to the hearers?

Have you ever been in a room when family members – maybe it was husband and wife or parent and child – got in an argument and started saying things that made you very uncomfortable? Their words were hurtful and sarcastic and disrespectful? How did that make you feel? That’s how we should feel every time we use those kinds of words with others, especially those in our own family.

- Window coverings

The way I see it, gracious words are like the window coverings on a house. It can be very cold and drafty without them, very warm and secure with them. Gracious words let in the sunshine during the day and close out the darkness at night. They maintain respect and privacy.

3. Generous acts.

Words are great, but they must be followed up by actions. The gospels of Matthew, Mark and John all record a generous action by a woman named Mary:

John 12:3 (NKJV) 3 Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.

Notice, “the house was filled with the fragrance.” Her generosity affected everyone in that house. The whole house was a better place because of her extreme generosity.
She was criticized for her generosity. Some who were there called it a waste. They said she shouldn’t have done such a wasteful thing. I want you to see two things from this example: She did it for Jesus, and everyone benefitted.

She did it for Jesus. When Mary decided to take this very costly gift and use it on this occasion it was because of Jesus. She wanted to honor and to bless Him. It wasn’t about those other people. But in the process…

Everyone benefitted. Even the very ones who criticized her received the aroma and the fragrance of her very costly oil. In order to bless the Lord she had to be generous with others. If she would have decided, “I want to bless the Lord with this aromatic gift, but I don’t want those people who I don’t even like very well to benefit, so I guess I’ll keep it to myself,” then this act of generosity and worship would not have happened.

When you are generous, people may benefit from your generosity who don’t even deserve it. People may benefit from your generosity who don’t appreciate it or even criticise you for it. But be generous, especially with your family. To Jesus, your generosity to others, even your enemies, is a sweet fragrant aroma. Bless the Lord by being generous with your family.

The secret of generosity
Dalene and I were talking to some friends from church the other day. They have two cute little kids, a boy and a girl, and are planning a trip to Disneyland next year. They want to teach the kids about saving and told the kids that they needed to save spending money for the trip. They got a very large plastic bottle and told the kids to put their money in the bottle.

At first, both of them put a penny here and a penny there. It wasn’t exactly going to pay for the trip. They had another talk with the kids and said if they wanted money to spend at Disneyland they needed to save more than that.

Right after that, Mom noticed that her little girl was putting a lot of money in the bottle. One day she got $15 and put it all in the bottle. That’s like a full month’s salary! This was a big change from before. Mom told her daughter that she didn’t have to put all of her money in the saving bottle. Her little girl said, “I figured out if I want to buy anything you buy it for me, so I can put everything in the bottle.”

As I thought about that comment I realized she understood the secret of generosity. If I really believe that God will take care of my every need, then I can afford to be generous. And generosity is fun!

- Decor

Generosity is like the beautiful items of decoration that are put all around the home. They are unique, individual, very personal and are enjoyed by everyone alike. What if our homes were filled with generous acts for one another? You start it.

4. Gladness of heart.

Make gladness of heart a custom of your family. As a family, have fun. Enjoy life. Make time for games and for get-aways and for laughter.

Acts 2:46 (NKJV) 46 So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart.

Circle the word ‘gladness.’ That word in the Greek (ἀγαλλίασις / agalliasis) literally means to leap or to spring up or gush up a lot. Our homes are supposed to be places of gladness of heart. Is yours? Have you done anthing fun lately? Have you laughed with your family lately? Make it a priority.

- Lights

Laughter in the home is like turning the light on. It makes the home a bright place to go when everything else is dark and gray.

Conclusion

Cheaper by the Dozen
As we conclude, watch this clip from the movie ‘Cheaper by the Dozen.’ It sums up the main thing we have been talking about today. What’s a higher priority for you: your house or your home? What dream are you following?

*** VIDEO: CheaperByDozen_vcd (3:21) ***