EMOTIONS SURVIVAL MANUAL: In Case of Anxiety: Sharpen the Axe

Is it real? Is it sharp?

There is a sword mounted on the wall in my office. It was given to me by a good friend who I served with in ministry. It is a symbol of the battle that we are in together. When I look at it, it empowers me for battle and reminds me that I am not alone.

There are two questions I most likely get asked about my sword. First of all, “Is it real?” And secondly, “Is it sharp?” The answer to both questions is yes.

The two questions are related. People want to know if it could really be used as a weapon, an effective weapon, or if it is just a souvenir. If it is real but not sharp, then it is not really a weapon, it’s just for show.

I have never sharpened my sword for two reasons: I have never used it; and I never intend to use it. (But that’s not what I tell people who come in for marriage counseling.) If used my sword it would get dull and if I wanted to continue using it, I would be wise to keep it sharp.

Now, I can ask you the same questions about your faith: “Is it real?” and “Is it sharp?”

Ecclesiastes 10:10 (NKJV)
10 If the ax is dull, And one does not sharpen the edge, Then he must use more strength; But wisdom brings success.

Solomon was not talking about axes in this verse. The ax is a metaphor. Wisdom says, “Don’t keep going and going and swinging with a dull ax. Over time and use, everything gets dull, there’s no shame in that. Take time to sharpen the ax and you will be much more effective.” This is similar to our current day saying, “Work smarter, not harder.”

But something else tells us, “Keep going. Don’t stop, not even for a minute. You don’t have time. You can’t afford it. Just strive harder and harder and harder.” That voice isn’t wisdom. It is anxiety. Anxiety tells you there isn’t time, you’re getting behind, don’t stop, don’t even slow down. The voice of anxiety is a very persuasive voice.

A good resource: The Anxiety Cure, by Dr. Archibald Hart

Dr. Archibald Hart, a strong Christian man, has become the foremost authority and resource on anxiety and anxiety disorders.

I’d like to share some things from his book, “The Anxiety Cure.”

Dr. Hart gives a brief overview of the most common types of anxiety on page 9: Panic Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Specific Phobia, Social Phobia, Agoraphobia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Acute Stress Disorder, and Separation Anxiety Disorder.

THE TEN MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO A PERSON WITH ANXIETY (or to yourself, for that matter), on page 13:

1. “We all get anxious, so just pull yourself together.”

2. “If you would just relax more, your anxiety will go away.”

3. “Have you committed some sin that God is punishing you for?”

4. “You worry too much, and worry never changes anything.”

5. “If you just try harder you wouldn’t feel so stressed-out.”

6. “Just ignore your problems and they will go away.”

7. “Anxiety can’t kill you, so just snap out of it.”

8. “If you had more faith, you would stop worrying.”

9. “Take a holiday and all your problems will go away.” (This one reminds me of What about Bob? “Take a vacation from your problems.” )

10. “If I can cope with my life, you should be able to cope with yours.”

In the first chapter of his book, Dr. Hart has a special message to Christian readers (p.13). He says:

My message is important whatever your faith – or lack of it. However, many of my readers consider themselves to be Christians so I want to address some of my remarks in this first chapter to these readers.

For Christians, my message in this book is particularly important. Primarily, because many of you have such a strong antidrug mind-set, you may be doing yourself a lot of harm by not considering a short-term trial on an appropriate antianxiety medication. Not all medications are addictive. Antidepressants are frequently the preferred medication for anxiety disorders, and they are absolutely not addictive.

Why should you consider getting professional treatment? Because serious anxiety problems only get worse if you don’t treat them early enough. A lot of evidence now indicates that untreated anxiety become “encoded” in the brain. In other words, it becomes a permanent problem.

But there is a second important reason why my message here is important to Christians. We Christians are probably more prone to developing a high level of stress, and we need to pay particular attention to the connection between adrenaline and stress. Just as we are ignorant about how the pressure we feel trying to live good lives can cause severe anxiety problems. Being good by relying on our own resources is a lost cause. The harder we try in our own strength, the more our lives become stressful. That is not what God wants from us.

He finishes the first chapter with these words:

Every day of my professional life, I encounter exceptionally fine Christian people who are experiencing incapacitating anxiety that robs them of peace and tranquility. They have aggravating sleep disturbances, aching ulcers, throbbing headaches, persistent high blood pressure, intractable pain, overwhelming tiredness, and worry that drives them into early graves. The problem is that anxiety itself doesn’t kill you; it just makes you wish you were dead. And such suffering is totally unnecessary. It can be prevented.

For the record as your pastor, I see no biblically based reason for refusing professional treatment and medication for emotional and psychological illnesses, just as you would not refuse treatment on a broken leg or insulin for the treatment of diabetes.

ANXIETY ABC’S

Notice the simplicity of today’s outline, the Anxiety ABC’s. I don’t want to add to our anxiety by offering a complex, twenty-step program. That would seem contradictory to me. So, let’s take it easy and simply consider the ABS’s.

SURVIVAL TIP: A – Ask. Take it to the Lord in prayer.

This is, undoubtedly, the first place to start with any concern or anxiety that I may have. Have I taken it to the Lord in prayer?

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

There are those who say that we are not to be selfish in our prayers- that we are not to use prayers to ask God for things. This verse says, “let your requests be made known unto God.” Go ahead. Let Him know what you want and what you’re thinking.

But the peace that comes is not in knowing that you will get just what you want all the time. The peace is in knowing that He knows, and you know that He knows. But He already knows that you know that He knows… you know…

The peace is that He knows and will do, not according to your persuasive salesmanship, but according to His sovereign will. He knows your plan. And, if it is the best plan, He will do according to your plan. If not, what He has is even better. … You know…?

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

There is a great hymn with simple verses called, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” Many missionaries say it is often the first song taught to new converts on the mission field. The first and most recognized verse goes this way:

1. What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

SURVIVAL TIP: B – Breathe. Take time to pause.

In order to sharpen the ax, you’re going to have to pause from time to time. I mean put the brakes on and come to a complete stop. Not a rolling stop, like some people do at stop signs, but a complete stop.

Luke 10:38-42 (NKJV)
38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Activity is good. I happen to be a fan of activity. We have words to describe a complete lack of physical activity for a long period of time. It is called a coma, or death. That is not good.

But activity is to be accompanied by periods of rest from time to time. It takes great faith to step away from activity and to be still.

The fourth commandment

From the very beginning of creation, God instituted a Sabbath cycle. “Six days shall you labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work.” (Exodus 20:9b-10a) “For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day.” (Exodus 20:11)

This command was for the people wandering through the wilderness and also for the Promised Land that they were to enter. Violation of this principle has short-term and long-term consequences.

Short-term: time wasted

God told the people to collect manna for six days, but not on the seventh. Some of them went out anyway to get more, but it wasn’t there. They were wasting their time. Study after study tells us today that without rests we don’t become more efficient, we are less efficient. We are wasting our time.

Long-term: forced Sabbath

When the people didn’t honor the Sabbath, and give the land it’s Sabbath, God basically said, “Fine, then I’ll give the land a Sabbath.” According to Leviticus, 2 Chronicles and Jeremiah the prophet, that is the reason that the people of Israel went into exile for seventy years in Babylon, because they didn’t honor the Sabbath.

Sometimes, not always, the result is the same for us. We’ll go and go and go and go, not recognizing the need for rest, until there comes a crash. It may be physical or emotional, but all of a sudden everything comes to a screeching halt. It may well be that you have some Sabbath rests to catch up on.

SURVIVAL TIP: C – Eliminate clutter.

Physical clutter causes anxiety. Even good things, too many of them or without order, can get in the way and cause anxiety.

Look at how we use the word ‘anxious.’ It is confusing for us as Christians. We shouldn’t be anxious, but what about Christmas, or taking a vacation, or getting married?

Did you know that even good anxieties, like getting married or having children or getting promotions, cause stress? It is called eustress. Don’t totally eliminate good things from your life - that would be silly - but recognize their stress on your life.

Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

The Greek word ‘worry’ in v. 25 (the same word as ‘anxious’ in Phil. 4:6-7) comes from the word meaning, ‘divide, part or share’ from the sense of being split into many parts or divisions; to be divided. There is just too much going on.

Garage clutter

Think of the typical garage. It is part storage shed for unused stuff, for lawn care equipment and for kid’s play equipment, part workshop, part mud room, maybe part practice area for a garage band. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, you’re supposed to park your car in there. When there is too much going on it can’t even be used for its primary purpose. (“How many people here can actually get their car in their garage?”)

Choose. Set priorities. Attend to the most important things. Give first priority to seeking God and let others fall into place. Don’t attend to them. You have permission not to.

Take control

I heard some great wisdom from a woman in our congregation. She said that she had been struggling with a lot of anxious and negative thoughts. Sometimes they would just overwhelm her, one after the other and clutter up her mind. The worse of all were the ‘what-if’s that brought worry and doubt.

She told me that her sister asked her a question, “If someone came into your house and talked to you in that way, would you listen to them? No. You would throw them out. In the same way you’ve got to take control of your thoughts. Don’t let them talk to you that way.”

That’s pretty good advice. Take control.

Conclusion
Quick review:

A – Ask. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Pray

B – Breathe. Take time to pause. Pause

C – Clutter. Eliminate clutter. Purge

This does not solve all of our anxiety issues, but it helps put them in perspective. There is a lot to do. Don’t forget to sharpen your ax.

EMOTIONS SURVIVAL MANUAL: In Case of Grief: Don't Keep it Bottled Up

A family’s ultimate grief

When I came here as senior pastor over nine years ago, there was a family in this church who was going through a very difficult grief: the death of their son who was nearly twenty years old. The loss of a child is a difficult thing to go through. I have walked through it with too many people who are a part of this congregation. There is never anything that can be said or done to make it easy.

This family had lost their son. Not only had they lost their son, but he had been murdered. He had gotten involved with the wrong crowd, there were drugs involved and he had been shot. Of course, this compounds the grief.

And then, when I came into the picture, this couple was going through the trial for those who were accused of killing their son. They sat, day after day, listening to testimony of what happened, and how it happened, and who was involved. They relived the horror again and again. Grief added upon grief.

I didn’t feel like there was much I could do. This couple hadn’t been an overly active part of the church and hadn’t made a lot of friends at the church. At first, I didn’t know them all that well. What could I do? All I could do was sit with them. So I did. Every opportunity I had I went down to the courtroom and sat there beside them. I felt some of their grief, but only a small fraction.

When the trial was over, they were even more withdrawn than ever. They were so hurt, especially her. How could they function? How could they go on with life when their life had been altered so much? We had some conversations, but they had a lot more questions than I had answers. I listened and I cared, but I didn’t fix anything.

I tried to keep contact with them. Sometimes they would come around church, sometimes they wouldn’t. When they did I tried to reach out to them because no one else knew the situation. No one had relationship with them.

It took some time. At first, there was no desire to move on in any way. That was understandable. Then there were the questions, “Can we ever move on?” Questions are good. It was the first sign of life. The ‘can we ever’ questions then became the ‘how can we’ questions. From possibility to process. Good. Step by step.

After a time I saw them beginning to reach out and make friends here at church. They began going to smaller group gatherings that were available. They were still hurting, but they were starting to breathe again. People began to know them, and like them. They are a wonderful couple with a lot to offer.

I remember the day – it was a huge step – when they said they wanted to talk with me. I got together with them and it was the wife who told me that through the recovery of this great grief there had been people there who had helped them get through what they had gone through. The ones who were most beneficial to them were those who had also lost children in tragic circumstances. It wasn’t even that they had any particular wisdom or knowledge that anyone else had, but they had been through it themselves. Just being with them, seeing that they had made it, was what kept this couple going.

The wife continued, “We want you to know that if there is ever anyone here at the church that is in a similar circumstance, we want to be available to meet with them and be a support to them. We understand.” This was the step out of darkness and into sunlight for them: from grieving to relieving the grief of others.

This couple began serving in many ways, not hiding in their grief but pouring out to others in relationship and in sharing the good news of God, Who was faithful to them in their time of grief. I watched them bloom beautifully.

They had to move away, unfortunately, but have continued to bloom in the new city and the new church where God has placed them. We still keep in touch. They still come around when they are in town. They are thriving, not just surviving. They are a part of church leadership, leading to potential full-time ministry. Last year they went to Israel and were a part of the International Foursquare Convention in Jerusalem.

Everyone deals with times of grief

Grief is something that is very personal and individual, and yet, at the same time, is something that we all have in common. Grieving is a part of life.

*** Video clip: gravestones ***
watch clip

Let me read you a particular passage in scripture about God and our grief. It is in the book of psalms, written by David.

Psalm 56:1-9 (NKJV)
1 To the Chief Musician. Set to “The Silent Dove in Distant Lands.” a Michtam of David When the Philistines Captured Him in Gath. Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up; Fighting all day he oppresses me. 2 My enemies would hound me all day, For there are many who fight against me, O Most High. 3 Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. 4 In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? 5 All day they twist my words; All their thoughts are against me for evil. 6 They gather together, They hide, they mark my steps, When they lie in wait for my life. 7 Shall they escape by iniquity? In anger cast down the peoples, O God! 8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? 9 When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me.

Now, let’s read together verse 8, on the top of your outlines:

Psalm 56:8 (NKJV)
8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?

What can we make from this passage, especially from this phrase, “(You) put my tears in Your bottle?”

TEARS IN A BOTTLE
I think this is one of the most tender portions of the Bible that speaks of God’s love. There are more direct portions, like where it says “God is love.” There are even more definitive portions, like 1 Corinthians 13 that tells us all about real love. But I don’t know if there are any more tender passages than this one. It says any tear that I cry is known by God. Not just known by Him, He is near enough to me at those times to capture that tear, chronicle it and remove it from me. This is a tremendous passage.

SURVIVAL TIP: No tear is wasted: Show it.

Lachrymatory
Have you ever heard of a lachrymatory? It is also called a ‘tear bottle.’ No one knows for sure how far back tear bottles date, but some believe this psalm indicates they were in use in King David’s day.

Tear bottles have been found in ancient Roman tombs. As mourners would follow the body of a loved one to its tomb they would carry these small, glass vials and collect their tears along the way. The bottle was then left inside the tomb in tribute to their devotion for their departed loved one.

We also know of lachrymatories being used during the U.S. Civil War. Stories of soldiers leaving their wives or new brides with a tear bottle can be found in literature of the day. Some husbands are said to have hoped that the bottles would be full upon their return, as an indication of their wives devotion. Sadly, many of these men never made it back home. Historical references also indicate that tears were saved as a remembrance of loved ones or to pass along to future generations.

§ God keeps it bottled up, so you don’t have to.

Of course, the prerequisite for this promise of God’s tenderness and nearness is the shedding of tears. Scripture says we are to weep with those who what? With those who weep. (Romans 12:15) Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) To receive the comfort, we have to let it go.

Don’t hold back and don’t be ashamed to show grief. It’s good for you.

The value of tears
I believe this verse also tells us that there is a value to every tear that we cry. Why else would God carefully bottle each one? There is a value that we don’t understand.

Psalm 126:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy. 6 He who continually goes forth weeping, Bearing seed for sowing, Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, Bringing his sheaves with him.

In heaven, you will be ushered into a spiritual garden that is green and lush and ripe and full for you to enjoy for all eternity. It is a garden that is watered by your tears.

SURVIVAL TIP: Don’t grieve alone: Share it.

In this verse, David is sharing his tears, sharing his grief. We must too. We share our grief with God, first of all. We are also to share our grief with other people.

We are called to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Gal. 6:2) We are told to “comfort each other.” (1 Thess. 5:11) We are to “weep with those who weep.” (Rom. 12:15) You may think you are saving someone else by not sharing your grief with them, but you’re not. Grief is something that is to be shared. If you don’t share it, it doesn’t fulfill its purpose.

As a pastor I have sure seen the value of funerals and memorials for sharing grief and loss one with another. It is powerful.

§ It’s not just for you.

As in the story I shared, God will use your grief and the comfort you receive, to touch others. Jesus is our ultimate example of sharing grief.

Isaiah 53:3-4 (NKJV)
3 He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 4 Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted.

Jesus chose to experience grief so that He could share it with you. He is a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He has borne your griefs and carried your sorrows.

SURVIVAL TIP: God’s got it covered: Shelve it.

This is not intended to sound unfeeling or insensitive. Quite the opposite.

A view of eternity
Catch this picture: In times of grief, God comes near to tenderly catch every tear in His bottle. As He bottles those tears, He takes guardianship. You can trust Him with them. He won’t spill a single drop.

Now, in His bottle, He can remove those tears and that grief from you. It won’t be far. He doesn’t get rid of them. He carefully bottles them. He’s got a special place for them. They are on His shelf. You’ve got to trust Him.

When you get to heaven, you can sit down with Jesus and He will place before you a number of bottles. He will take them one at a time and say, “In this bottle are the tears from the time when your puppy died. Remember that? You were so grieved and I grieved with you because I am acquainted with grief. Here are those tears.”

And you will see in every case that you were tenderly cared for. He will show you what good purpose those tears served.

There may be some times when He says, “These tears were because of a wrong that you suffered. Someone else wrongly caused these tears. I will now exact payment for these tears, for ‘“Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”’” (Rom. 12:19, Heb. 10:30) We can trust Him. You don’t want to cause someone else’s tears and be on the wrong side of that equation.

In the here and now
That’s in heaven. In the meantime, you can go over to that shelf yourself in order to help someone else in a time of grief and sorrow, take down that vial of tears and say to them, “See these tears? This is the grief I felt, just like your grief now. I trusted them to God and they are in His safe-keeping. He can do the same for you.”

§ Not to minimize grief, but to maximize it.

I don’t want to minimize your grief by saying, “It’s no big deal, just get over it.” It is a big deal. God thinks it is a big enough deal to bottle every tear. But, if you demand to keep your grief always with you, never willing to part from it or be separated from it for a minute, you may well drown in your grief. Trusting God and gaining separation from it when the time is right only maximizes the purpose and the benefit of your grief.

When it is on the shelf, you have control over it. It doesn’t have control over you.

Conclusion
God is at work, tenderly doing things we don’t understand in our times of grief.