Trusting Others

Introduction
I want to talk about trust today. Some people really struggle with trust issues.

Old Faithful
Our family was driving on a cross-country trip a number of years ago. Our travels took us by the Grand Tetons, through Yellowstone National Park. I had never seen Old Faithful, so even though it was getting a little late and we had a ways to go until getting to our hotel that evening, I was excited to watch the Old Faithful geyser erupt.

So we parked the car, followed the signs and walked over to an area of benches looking out onto a pretty unimpressive landscape. There was just some rough terrain and what appeared to be the geyser. So we sat down and just waited for a while. It didn’t take long until my wife got a little anxious. She wanted to get to the hotel before it got too late, so she said, “Let’s just go.” “No” I answered, “I want to see it erupt.” Then she said, “What if it doesn’t erupt?” At which point I looked at her and said, “It’s ‘Old Faithful’. Of course it’s going to erupt!” Of course, after waiting just a little while longer Old Faithful did what you can trust it to do, it erupted.
If you can’t trust Old Faithful, who can you trust?

Relationships are defined by trust.

Relationships are ultimately defined not by quality time, or by quantity time, but by the quality of trust. The greater the trust the deeper the relationship.

Trust is not automatic.

We are not told to show unconditional trust toward other people. Do a study of the ‘one anothers’ of scripture. We are told to love one another, submit to one another, be kind one to another, pray for one anther, encourage one another, forgive one another, etc. without regard to the other person. Love them no matter what. Be kind to them no matter what. But, we are never told to ‘trust one another’. It is not unconditional and it is not automatic.

Here’s another way to look at it. We refer to someone as ‘trustworthy’, but we don’t say that someone is ‘loveworthy’. We don’t say that someone is ‘prayerworthy’. We don’t say that someone is ‘kindworthy’.

Since trust is not automatic, it means that it can be earned, lost, preserved and restored.
· trust can be earned
Show me that I can trust you.
· trust can be lost
It can be a single act of betrayal or many, many small things that lead to the lost of trust. A house can be demolished with a bulldozer or can be destroyed from years of neglect.
· trust can be guarded
It is easier to guard and preserve what you have rather than try to regain it after it’s lost. I am convinced that many people don’t understand how valuable trust is, or else they would guard it much more carefully.
· trust can be restored
This is the good news. It is hard work and takes a strong commitment, but it can be restored again.

Be trusting. Be trustworthy.

Being part of community, like the Body of Christ, requires relationship. Deep relationship depends entirely upon trust. And trust is not automatic. We have a two-fold goal then: Be trusting, and Be trustworthy.

EARNING TRUST

In writing to the Corinthians, Paul appeals to them to trust him.

2 Corinthians 7:2-7 (NKJV) 2 Open your hearts to us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have cheated no one. 3 I do not say this to condemn; for I have said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. 4 Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort. I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation. 5 For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears. 6 Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming, but also by the consolation with which he was comforted in you, when he told us of your earnest desire, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced even more.
“Open your hearts to us” means literally, ‘let us in.’

1. Don’t demand it.

If anyone could have demanded trust, it was the Paul. He was recognized as the Apostle to the Gentiles. He had seen the risen Lord. He was trained as an orthodox rabbi. And, on top of all of that, the Corinthian church owed him their very existence. The church began as a result of Paul’s first missionary journey into the region.

But Paul does not demand their trust, he appeals to them. He asks them to ‘open their hearts to him’, literally: make a place, make room for us.

Here’s the thing about trust: the more you demand it the more you lose it.

“Trust me…”
I was in a conversation with a construction contractor because I had been having repeated problems and unfulfilled promises with his crew. I began to notice that he continually used the phrase ‘trust me.’ “Trust me, I want these things corrected.” “Trust me, I don’t like this either.” “Trust me, that is not how I do business.” The problem was I didn’t trust him and every time he said, “Trust me” I trusted him even less.

If you have to demand trust you won’t get it, and you probably don’t deserve it.

2. Give it time.

Paul was very patient in building trust with the Corinthians and in waiting for their response. Here’s what happened:

The patience of Paul
Paul ministered in Corinth during his second missionary journey and establishes the church there. After a while, things in the church got a little out of control so Apollos, a strong leader and teacher, goes from Ephesus to Corinth. The problems were so bad that Apollos came back to Ephesus. Paul tried to get him to go back to Corinth later, but Apollos refused. Then members of the church there came to tell Paul that things had gotten even worse. (I heard of a well-known pastor recently preaching a series through the book of Corinthians and he called the series, “Christians Gone Wild.”)

So Paul writes some pretty strong words to the church there and sends Titus to see how they will respond to his writing. Then he waits. Paul eventually gets run out of Ephesus so he goes to Troas, making the long trip towards Corinth. He says that in Troas he had a great opportunity for ministry but had no rest in his spirit because he Titus wasn’t there to tell him how the Corinthians were doing. (2 Cor. 2:12-13) So he left there on his way to Corinth and met up with Titus in Macedonia. There he hears good news: they had received his correction and were responding favorably. It was worth the wait.

The patience of Gamaliel
I marveled this last week in our Life Journal readings about the patience of Gamaliel. Gamaliel was one of those Jewish leaders in Acts 5, trying to decide what to do with the apostles and their new teachings. He said they didn’t have to do anything. If it wasn’t real it would fizzle and die over time. If it really was of God, time would bear that out.

In order to trust you I need to see your character. Character is shown over time.

3. Let your actions do the talking.

Don’t tell me I can trust you. Show me. Paul let his actions do the talking.

· “We have wronged no one”
This means that we did harm to no one. Literally, “we were unjust to no one.” We can harm people unjustly in a number of ways: gossip harms their reputation; insensitivity harms their emotions; causing division harms community; anger harms peace; and violence harms the body.
· “We have corrupted no one”
Paul was also able to say that no one was led astray by his bad example. Paul was authentic. He lived out his faith. He practiced what he preached. How is your example?

· “We have cheated no one”
In other words, “We never once benefited from someone else’s loss. We never took advantage of anyone else.” … We never sold a car that we knew had defects… We never kept more money then we were due on our income taxes… We never called in sick when we weren’t really sick… We never lied or stole.

Can you make this statement, “I have wronged no one; I have corrupted no one; I have cheated no one”? What if Paul could not make this statement? Then he had no business asking them to trust him. The same is true of you. It begins with forgiveness.

Forgiveness and trust
Did you know that you can forgive someone without trusting them? Remember: forgiveness is required, trust is not.

Let’s say that you come to see me in my office. I have to excuse myself for a minute, I come back and we say our goodbyes. Later I notice that a ten dollar bill is missing from my desk. I mention it to you and you confess that you took it. You feel very bad; ask for my forgiveness and I forgive you immediately.

The next time you’re in my office I step out to get you a glass of water. Later I notice again that another ten dollars is missing. When I confront you again you admit that you really needed the money but you know it was wrong. You ask for my forgiveness and I forgive you. The next time you are in my office I am not going to leave you alone with any valuables. Forgiveness is given immediately. Trust must be earned back.

4. Be vulnerable.

Trust involves risk and vulnerability. It is unavoidable. When someone trusts you they let you get closer and give you the chance to hurt them.

Captain Kirk always did this cool thing when he wanted to get another ship to trust him. He would lower his shields. With the shields lowered they were more vulnerable, but the other ship knew they could be trusted.

If you want someone to trust you, you have to trust them first. You be vulnerable first. In chapter 6, before Paul asked the Corinthians to open their hearts to him, he said this:

2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (NKJV) 11 O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. 13 Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open.
If you want someone to open up to you, open up to them first.

The essence of trust
The essence of trust is this: I will receive harm myself rather than let it come to you.

Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor, Navy Seal
There were four men, elite Navy Seals, providing security along with Iraqi forces in Ramadi, Iraq, west of Baghdad. The rooftop position had only one doorway. That’s where Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor stood while the other four were inside the shelter. A hand grenade was launched by insurgent forces and hit Petty Officer Monsoor in the chest. It bounced inside the hideout and landed on the floor. The others in the bunker said that Monsoor never took his eyes off the grenade. His only movement was directly to the floor and on top of the live grenade. He gave his life and the others were saved.

He was standing by the door. He was standing by the door! Do you get it? When that grenade bounced in he was the only one with a real shot at making it out. He could have ducked and run. He took harm rather than having harm come to others. Is that someone that you could trust?

Standing by the door
Some of you are standing by the door today. You are standing by the door of your marriage and it’s not looking good. There is a ticking bomb ready to explode. What are you going to do? Are you in or are you out? Is it self-preservation or self-sacrifice for you? This is where trust has its day. What will it be?

Some of you are standing by the door of this church. You don’t want to venture in too much or let others get too close because you may get hurt. You’re watching for any sign of danger so you can be ready to bolt. What is it for you? Are you in or are you out?

Maybe someone here today is standing at the door with the Lord. His love for you has hit you on the heart and so now what do you do? Are you in? You have to die to yourself, you know. Make a move.

5. Trust God first.

I said that we were not told to trust anyone else unconditionally. Well, that’s not entirely true. There is One who we can trust unconditionally.

Proverbs 3:5 (NKJV) 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

God is ultimately trustworthy. When we were in danger from sin and death, God came to earth, in the form of a man, Jesus, to throw Himself on our grenade. You and I were huddled in a cramped enclosure when sin lobbed a grenade called death into our hideout. Without giving it a second thought, Jesus through Himself, through His crucifixion, onto death so that we could live. Now, is He worthy of our trust?? Yes!

The key for all other trust relationships
Trusting God becomes the key for all other trust relationships. Especially once you have been hurt, it is hard to trust.

She looked me right in the eye and asked me, “But if I let him earn back trust and restore trust over time, how do I know that I won’t get hurt again? Do I have any guarantee?”
I cannot offer you a guarantee that if you open up to trusting others they will not hurt you. I can’t do that. But I can guarantee you this: You can trust God.

The question is: Can you trust God that no matter how bad you’re hurt He can heal; He can comfort; He can restore and He will even use it for your good? I can trust others when I put my trust in God first.

Conclusion
Are you trusting? Are you trustworthy?